Anyone else over trying to juggle all the shopping with holiday parties while trying to make everyone happy by making appearances to both sides of the family? Yep, that was us. When my kids were little, it was freaking zoo. We had work parties for both of us, gift shopping for three kids, in-laws and siblings, niece and nephews and then stuffing it all in our car with varying sizes of car seats.

Eventually it got easier as the gifts got smaller and we convinced the retired grandparents to travel to us rather than the other way around. But we were still lunatics because now we had to host which added a whole other level of stress.

My parents are now divorced, my mom lives 5 hours away, my dad in a Veterans’ Home for memory care. My sister is divorced and gets her kids on Christmas Eve one year and Christmas the next. My in-laws have older children who now have fiancees and girlfriends, making their own traditions. My father-in-law is twice widowed and is 86 years old. A lot has changed since the kids were little.

With all that chaos is gone, we are in transition of sorts. A couple of years ago we found ourselves a bit let down on how quiet it was around the holidays. My kids were like “This is it?!” While my husband and I were a little relieved with how little we had to take care of, it did seem a bit unholiday-ish. But until my kids start having families of their own, this was the way it was going to be for a while.

Well, that was until last year when we decided on a whim to do something completely different. Normally, we went skiing over spring break but last year we planned on taking her to Cabo on a family vacation for our last one together. So on a last minute whim, we decided to go skiing over Christmas break so that we didn’t miss out but it was also to help with the holiday melancholy we all felt.

It was the best decision! We had a few gifts already purchased and took those with us in black garbage bags so no one could peek. When we got to our AirBnB, we unloaded our stuff then headed into town to look for a tree. While we drove around the block to find a parking space, we drove by a church that had a couple trees left for sale so we put money in the bucket and drove away with the best one. Then we went to the Ace Hardware store and found lights and decorations all on sale. Only bummer was buying the tree stand which wasn’t as cheap but we brought her home with us so she’ll be making the trip this year!

Putting the tree up was so important to making us all feel “at home” and I’m going to bring just a couple things from home now that I know what we’ll need. We spent Christmas Eve watching the Kansas City Chiefs play then off we went to buy our gifts for each other. Each year, we take the kids shopping (usually Target) and let them have $50 to spend on each other. It started at $25 then quickly realized that it doesn’t go very far unless you want to buy your sister a small trash can for her room. One child tried that one year but he was young and saw that it was sparkly so figured it would be a nice girly gift. Thank God we always give final approval because poor Avarie would have been severely disappointed.

So we spent part of the evening wrapping and getting ready for the next day. The kids waited at the top of the stairs while we got our coffee and music ready then called them down to open gifts. Again, it wasn’t a lot but it was still plenty. Between the rental equipment, condo rental, extra gear we always think we need because “it’s on sale!” and the food, both from the store and going out, it’s already quite a bit.

When we decided to do this vacation, we talked about letting go of the worry about money. We can’t take it with us when we die and we wanted to use it now to make lifelong family memories. If we hung onto it until we felt worry free, we’d be too damn old to get down the mountain.

We went to a local church on Christmas Eve and skied on Christmas day. We played funny games and relaxed in front of wood burning fireplace. We went for wintry walks in the hills and strolled along the twinkly lit streets. No rushing anywhere (except for church when we realized the shortcut we chose hadn’t been plowed!). We had the best Christmas and our kids talked about it for months afterward. As we inched closer to this holiday season, they asked if we could go again. My husband and I thought about it for a second before we said, “Hell yes!” They now understand there will be very few gifts under the tree but they are learning that truly the best gifts can’t be wrapped and placed under a tree.

What we hope to instill is that gifts of experience are so much more valuable and memorable. The more I’ve talked to other parents who are struggling to figure out what to buy their older kids, the more I feel inclined to mention experiences/vacations as gift ideas. I was at the eye doctor yesterday for a check-up and shared our holiday plans when the assistant asked me if I had my Christmas shopping done. She teared up as she shared her struggles of running out of gift ideas and how much she loved our idea of getting away to make memories.

I told her while a full-on vacation might not be practical, especially this late in the season, that maybe she could consider giving him experiences they could do together. I could almost see the relief release from her shoulders when the ideas began downloading for her. Her son loves sports so she mentioned getting tickets to a game for his favorite local team. She thanked me for the idea, gave me a high five and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

This is an example of how to choose how you want to feel over the holidays. Rather than stress about the money, making sure everyone has enough gifts, or being all things or everywhere for everyone else, what if you looked closely at what is good for your family? What feels right to YOU? Do you want crazy stress or fond memories? YOU GET TO CHOOSE!

Was my family ecstatic that we broke with tradition? No. But it was time to do what felt right for us. When we look back at the past 18 years, we’ve done a lot to make everyone else happy. We spend time with our family during other times of the year so it’s not like it’s the only time we see them. We needed to change how we celebrated in order to make it about the reason for the season and to create some amazing family memories.

We took a ski trip again this year and it’s been awesome! We’ve played games, ate great food, shopped for each other as well as friends/family, watched lots of football, attended Christmas Eve service, chilled in our hot tub, watched a bull elk hang out in our back yard for most of the day, and skied in one of our favorite places, Steamboat Springs.

Whether it’s the beach, the mountains or something closer to home, I highly recommend a family getaway so you can have amazing memories for years to come!