Last week, I recommended reading The Untethered Soul by Michael B. Singer and why I find it worth your time. I’m rereading it now and I’m understanding it even better this time around.

Here’s what I’m loving about it right now.

Singer says we have an infinite supply of energy. He explains this with the example of getting dumped by a girlfriend or boyfriend. You’re sad and lose the pep in your step. You basically live on the couch and takeout is about all you can manage. You have no energy to do anything that at all resembles your pre-breakup life.

Then all of a sudden you get a call from that ex saying they made a huge mistake and they want you back. You move like a gazelle after you untangle yourself from your Snuggie, jump over the couch and race to the shower. You get ready in a flash, drive to their house and run into their arms.

So where did all of that energy come from? It certainly wasn’t food because if that was the case you’d be running marathons by the amount of discarded takeout cartons lying about.

He explains that this energy is always available to us but the reason we don’t feel it is because we block it. We block it by closing our heart, our minds, and pulling deep within ourselves.

I totally understand this because I do it all the time. Here’s what I do.

My husband and I are two very different people. I do things my way and he does them his. I think I highlighted this a couple blog posts ago but he’s been working from home for two years now. He used to have a sales job that allowed him to travel, go see clients, and we’d reconnect around dinner or kids’ activities and catch up about each other’s days. He got a different job that was a leadership role in which he thought he’d be traveling to his team’s various locations to help develop client relationships and get to know his team better. That never happened. He was caught in conference call after conference call and rarely left the house. He was miserable. (Read: we were ALL miserable.)

He left that job to go back into sales. Then COVID hit and still wasn’t traveling to see clients. (Read: Fuck, here we go again.) Because he’s been home so much, he has his idea of how, when, where all the things happen in the house which he used to not be a part of and we all managed to make it work. I have my own way of doing things and plus, I need my space. We end up all up in each other’s business and before I know it, my heart closes up for the day.

What’s happening is that we’re feeding off each other’s negative energy and it only gets worse from there. Something else is said or insinuated and because we have “blocked our hearts”, as Singers says, we misinterpret the other’s tone, or motive, then we snap because we are hurt.

Sound familiar? When we block our hearts, we can’t experience life as it happens because we are still stewing about the past which has no relevancy to what’s happening now! Think about all the things we’ve been hanging onto from our childhood, our teen years, our first horrible job, or that traumatic car accident a few years ago.

All of those things are like the big concrete dividers on the highway, stacked up on top of each other. Ain’t nothing getting through that.

What I’m learning as I read is how to stay open, how to keep my heart open no matter what. No matter what my husband says (read: insinuates), no matter what my kids do (or don’t do), no matter what some crazy driver does on the highway, and no matter what COVID takes away next, how I react is my choice.

Singer says,

“As long as you are defining what you like and what you don’t like, you will open and close. You are actually defining your limits. You are allowing your mind to create triggers that open and close you. Let go of that. Dare to be different. Enjoy all of life.”

Is he crazy?! I’m supposed to enjoy the asshole that about sent me into the ditch because he changed lanes without looking? I’m supposed to enjoy the passive aggressive text? I’m supposed to enjoy my kids arguing with each other about who’s turn it is to empty the dishwasher at the top of their lungs?

Is this Singer fellow for real? But the more I read, the more I understand. We feel other people’s anger, their bitterness, the snark in their voice or the negativity they give off about, let’s say, this past election. We let it affect us. We bounce those feelings back at them and before we know it, we’re all a bunch of assholes.

There’s the saying, “Your vibe attracts your tribe” and as much as you want to roll your eyes, you know it’s true. There are people that you’ve met that are like sitting in the sunshine. They make you feel warm, loved, and just happy to be in their presence. Those people are open AF.

Singer says that in order to stay open, we can’t let anything that happens in life be important enough to close over. When we want to close up after an argument, a misunderstanding or whatever else 2020 wants to throw at us, we say, “Not today, Satan. I’m here for all of it. I’m going to relax and let this just happen. Then I’m movin’ on!”

That’s how energy flows through us and doesn’t get trapped within. Singer explains that energy has to keep moving, it never stops. So imagine what’s happening inside our bodies when we hang on to anger, disappointment, and shame. Remember it doesn’t stop moving so maybe it makes its way to your mind. Our thoughts get muddled, we create stories around these feelings and there’s a flurry of messed up thoughts. It moves on to our hearts to try to make its way out of our bodies but we resist all the emotions it kicks up so we store it away. We push it all down any way we can so that we don’t have to feel the emotion that trapped energy is causing.

But it’s like the proverbial bandaid or that cheap charcoal mask you thought was such a great idea. It’s better to just rip that sucker off than try to avoid pain that you know is coming. And when I say ripping it off, I mean forgiveness, laughter, letting go, loving anyway, or allowing the pain to come. This is what Singer says about the hurt, “It was stored with pain; it’s going to release with pain.”

So I’m realizing that all of this stored pain and energy I walk around with affects me in a lot of ways. It affects how I make decisions, how I handle adversity, how I love, and how I see my world. Ultimately, it affects how I process my life experiences which in turn, is how I live my life.

I just thought of something. You know who are perfect examples of how to live with an open heart and an infinite supply of energy? Dogs. Living with an open heart is EXACTLY what a dog’s life is. I think that’s why we miss them so damn much when we travel or even when they’re just off to the groomer. They have an infinite amount of love for us even though we put them in time out for chewing the rug or pooping on the carpet. They let that shit go and don’t look back. They run up to us as if we are walking globs of peanut butter. They can’t get enough of us.

The moral of this story…go be a dog. Love your humans no matter what. Let that shit go and watch the energy flow.

Love you. Mean it.