What Doesn't Break Your Ankle Makes You Stronger

Photo by Hallie Sawyer, all rights reserved.

I lift weights and workout because I want to be strong but nothing lets you know exactly where you stand like a ski vacation. I made it home with both legs intact and for a person who has never taken a ski lesson, that’s a gawd damn miracle. Believe me, I’ve had lots of opportunities.

You’ve seen those people, the “No, really, I totally have this” skiers out there. When they say they “have this”, it means they’re hunched over like Great-Grandma Thelma as they do “pizza” from one side of the run to the other. I’m not that bad but I’m definitely not good. My goal is to make it down in one piece while standing somewhat erect and not taking up more than my fair share of the run.

A couple of weeks ago on our ski vacation, I thought I finally did it. I thought the ski gods were sick of watching me flail down the mountain and finally called me out.

But let me back up for a quick sec. I’ve skiied nine times in my adultish life (first time was 15, hence the -ish). My first real adult trip was when I was about 34 years old. We went to Breckenridge with friends who were avid skiers. Our kids went to ski school so it was adults only on the slopes. My friends and my husband (also avid) went with me down the main green slope once, ONCE, before determining I could totally handle the blues. Okay, cool, I thought. I’m a natural! I think I cried my first blue, Then the next time down, I cussed like the saltiest of sailors. On the next run, I went on the wrong side. Yes, there is a wrong side if it has moguls. I landed on my ass, sat there crying and cussing, then finally got my hiney out of the way doing the great-grandma hunch while aiming for the opposite side of the run.

This is what you call biting off more than you can chew. But dammit, I wasn’t going to quit. So every subsequent ski trip, I would start off on a green then jump immediately to the blues with the rest of my family. I did the same thing every time: cry, cuss, cry/cuss, repeat. I got better with each trip but truly I’ve maxed out on my abilities unless two things happen: 1. I get lessons or 2. I move to a ski resort town where I can ski more than once a year.

So back to my story. I was coming down a green that was about to merge with another trail. Right before the merge, there were a lot of push piles and the more inexperienced skiers were struggling with this. I looked back to see a guy who looked a little kamikaze but had the hunch…uh oh. I wanted to get the hell out of his way. As I turned back to navigate my way out of his way, the front of my ski got stuck in a push pile and down I went. One leg was stuck and the other kept going. My foot turned inward and I felt my ankle twist in a way it shouldn’t.

I thought that was it. And of all things, on a fricking green. How embarrassing! I sat there for about 30 seconds testing my ankle then decided it was better to tighten up my boot and keep moving rather than let the swelling kick in. Thankfully, I was already on my last run of the day so I finished my descent trying to focus on the beautiful scenery and not my ankle. There wasn’t any swelling, just sore. I used our rest day to nurse it with my Deep Blue Rub and I was ready to go for our last day on the slopes. It still isn’t back to normal but it could’ve been so much worse.

Ironically, this was the first ski trip that I decided to stick with my greens and just be happy. It only took nine trips to figure it out. I wanted to enjoy my time and work on getting better rather than fight the mountain and the tears the whole time. I don’t like to suck at things and trying to keep up with my family did nothing for my confidence.

So my lesson in this is whether I take it easy or push myself beyond my limits, I will almost always fall at some point. But rather than sulk and whine, cry or cuss, I must realize what led to the fall so I don’t repeat my mistake then get back up. Whether I’m on a mountain or trying to develop on online program (eep!), the key to not stop. I want to be a better skier. Therefore, I keep on skiing. (Slow learning is still learning.)

I find that there are days when I really suck at getting work done. Maybe I get up late, get easily distracted, spend too much time on something which takes away time from my next scheduled task, etc. I used to chastise myself horribly then I would just give up. Screw the rest of the day. Screw the rest of the week. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m finding that I’m no longer doing that negative self-talk. The more I read personal development books, write in my morning pages, write down my dreams/goals, I rebound faster from my missteps and I let go of what used to be debilitating disappointment. My only explanation is that I’m getting mentally stronger. I’m refusing to let the falling keep me down, just like on the mountain. I could also choose to pout, stomp, whine, whimper, cry and cuss but where does that really get me? It’s only given me a way to deflect. Dreams and goals don’t just materialize because we wish for them. There is major work involved and with that work comes many, many falls. We have to be okay with that and welcome them!

I’ve finally realized my falls , on or off the mountain, are here to serve me if I’m willing to face what went wrong. Then I make changes so I don’t make the same fall over and over again. Those changes may be that I need more practice (keep trying), new equipment (learning new skills) or better focus (keep my eyes on where I’m going). Every day I can choose to get stronger or to let my failures break me.

Like on that mountain, I hope you tighten your equipment and get right back up. The views are spectacular.