My Sober Holiday

Photo by Alex Flash on Unsplash

This was my first Thanksgiving since the history of my adult life that I did not drink minus the ones when I was pregnant so that makes 5 sober out of 25 years. And when I say sober, I mean not drinking alcohol, in case there is any confusion. I’ve said “I’m sober” before when it really meant I’m not drunk.

No, this sober means not a drop. I know a sober holiday seems like the oxymorons of all oxys when it means you are spending a shit ton of time cooking food you make only once a year and with relatives that you don’t usually spend a lot of time with. Not that being around my family required a stiff buzz but why not? Everyone’s doing it.

So why the buzz kill, Hal? Well, I started a challenge back on October 1st called The Last 90 Days. It was started by Rachel Hollis and her husband Dave as a way to challenge her community of followers to end the year at their very best rather than letting it all go to hell just to pick up the pieces January 1.

I loved this idea because so many of us (read: me) let the end of the year slide away, giving up on goals and good habits just at the time we really need them. I wrote about this in my last post if you want to read about the challenge but one of the things is to give up a food category that we know is not good for us. I chose dairy then I decided to up the ante. I added no alcohol.

A couple of years ago, I gave up alcohol for a cleanse but I kept it going because I was feeling so good. Prior to that cleanse, I had been drinking…a lot. My husband and I both. We both needed to detox so we did a three week cleanse which I ended up extended to 13 weeks. This included a Super Bowl party, a few dinners with friends, and even a ski vacation over spring break with another family. I honestly didn’t recognize myself but I liked who I was becoming.

I felt different after that long stretch. I had a sense of empowerment that I had never felt before. I didn’t NEED alcohol to be funny or to fit in or to be in a social setting. Was it easy? That was still a no because I had yet to be okay with this new identity. Which is why I started drinking again. It was easier to default to how I’ve lived the past 30 years than create a new path. There is actual science that explains that when our brains cells communicate with each other repeatedly, its path gets stronger and stronger, just like a road with deep ruts. Now try avoiding those ruts while driving. It’s a hell of a lot easier to just drive in line with the ruts already there rather than try to make new ones. When we try new paths, often itt’s bumpy as hell and the ride is very, very uncomfortable. So what do we do? We avoid.

So are we lost causes? Will we always default to the ruts we’ve created in our lives? Nope. You can totally create new neural pathways but it takes work, about 10,000 repetitions to be exact. Science says that it takes that many trips down a “new road” to master a new skill. Guess how much time that takes? About three to six months.( Link to article here if you want to learn more science behind this.)

Fast forward a year. I found myself starting to add another drink to the occasional one. Nothing like before but I felt the potential of another slide into those old ruts. So when this challenge came up, it was like I threw on the brakes and turned off the rut worn path.

So why did I choose to give up alcohol again if it wasn’t as bad as before I did the cleanse? Especially around this time of the year? I know you are asking yourself, “ What were you thinking?!” I did it because I knew it was holding me back. I’ve done everything else for myself to take my health and wellness to the highest level:

1. I eat and drink a lot of green things, many of which taste horrible but I know they are good for me so I eat/drink them anyway.

2. I exercise almost every day.

3. I use holistic tools such as essential oils and supplements as medicine for myself and my family.

4. I have cut out toxic food, relationships, television, cleaning products and medicine to help me thrive in life.

5. I meditate, read personal development books, read, and write to take care of my soul.

6. I spend time with people who lift me up.

7. I cheer on others who are going after their dreams.

This way of living feels good but it’s taken me a long time to get here. I’ve conquered a lot with my health but my relationship with alcohol has not been one of them.

I grew up in an alcoholic home and saw drinking as an all or nothing. Fast forward through many years of shame and foggy memories, I arrived in this place where I needed face the hardest of situations to test myself. I mean, who would ever try to break a bad habit when there would be so much temptation around?

I owe this to myself. The amount of shame I’ve carried from sooo many bad decisions was weighing me down. If I’m truly trying to become the best version of myself, then this is one of the things I must do.

And do you know what? It’s been easier than ever before. I have had zero temptation to order or have a glass of wine, even in the places and times when I normally would. Instead, I have water (because I never drink enough) or I drink kombucha in a stemless wineglass.

So far, I’m loving how this feels, like I’m honoring the real me by letting her finally come out to play.

Is this path for you, too? That’s for you to figure out. But I hope you, at least once, take a turn off that deeply rutted road and spend some time (about three to six months) to create a new path. You may find this new road is what you’ve been looking for all along.

in AWE,

Hal