I'm Unloading The Camel
Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash
I have a college student. Perhaps you didn't hear me.
I AM THE MOTHER OF A COLLEGE STUDENT!!
What in the hell is going on around here? Wasn't I just in college, trying not to fail Statistics class while acing Napping 101?
Nope, my darling. That was almost 30 years ago. My oldest is now in college, her last rite of passage before adulthood. When we talk, we chat about her upcoming classes, her soccer travel schedule, if she's eating enough, yada, yada, yada...but I'm still wondering when I'm going to start feeling like the adult in the conversation. It's either one of two things: I'm very immature or I'm still on my own journey into adulthood.
I've been reading some articles lately - thanks to Grown and Flown and the Facebook spys that know how to flood my feed -- about letting go of our college kids. There was one take that I found fascinating that you may relate to.
There was an article that cited the works of Joseph Campbell to illustrate this rite of passage is much like the Hero's Journey. There is separation (leaving the family), heading off into the unknown (college), and the victorious return of the Hero (graduated with a fabulous job lined up and their lives set on a course with purpose and meaning!)
Campbell says that the trajectory of our lives is like loading and unloading a camel. We start out loading up our camels with all kinds of burdens: society rules, obligations, marriage, children, responsibilities, debt, etc. then as we get to a certain point in our lives, we start the process of unloading that camel. Our kids leave for college, we get to stop being the nagging parents and become the friend, we shrug off the cares of what society thinks we should do and do what we makes us happy, we leave jobs, etc. As we are unloading, our children are beginning to weigh down their own beasts of burden for their upcoming journey.
Many of us have been carrying around some pretty heavy loads. Maybe the uncomfortableness that we feel as we "unload" our kids off at college, is because our load now feels weird like we've misplaced something. You know when you go somewhere with less than all of your kids and it doesn't quite feel right? That's where I'm at.
I think if we find ourselves leading a camel that has been loaded and unloaded with love, heartbreak, happiness, sorrow, accomplished goals, lessons learned from failure, laughter, and tears but always, always grateful for it all, then I think we can claim that "victorious hero" part as well. So right now we have a little sorrow but also an accomplished goal. We are so excited for her to be playing a sport at the collegiate level and that she's been able to accomplish that for herself. It's a load to bear for sure but one I'm sure she's happy to carry.
So while my daughter is on her new journey, that means I'm embarking on a new stretch of mine as well. While I'm rooted in my family and the responsibilities that go along with that, I'm excited about what's up ahead. I have more time to write, read, connect with friends, educate on wellness, and travel as my load starts to lighten. Don't get me wrong...sending my child off on her way is so hard but here's the self-chat I'm having these days to rally my spirit.
rejoice!
You did it, Mama! She made it this far and you had no idea what you were doing. Praise Jesus!
give her space
Do you remember when you went off to college? Did your parents call you constantly making sure you did this and did that? Well, we didn't have cell phones so it was a major stroke of luck if they could get a hold of us. But can you imagine if they could reach you 24/7? Give her space to figure things out on her own--it's what college is all about! Be there for her when they call for advice but keep your hiney away from the helicopter pad one.
send love
You know how you love the gifts the UPS guy brings each week and the occasional snail mail that's not a bill? Well, she does, too! Recycle those boxes and send her some of her favorite snacks or a new shirt. Let her know you're thinking of her while sticking to that "give her space" thing. Love comes in lots of packages but we all know that ones that are left on the front porch are the best!
Journal
Document this time. Write down your feelings, daily events and all the things that will help you get through these feelings. You'll want to go back and read about this time. Someday you may find some nuggets in there you'll cherish for years to come.